New name, new blog, still no idea where I am going with this, or what I am trying to achieve. The fact is, I enjoy writing stories. I don’t even care if people read them. Well I do a little bit. That is why you will find me repeatedly posting them on social media until at least one person acknowledges my musings. I find it therapeutic and an opportunity to do something other than over thinking and over analysing every conversation I have ever had in the last 10 years, whilst rocking back and forth on my sofa 🙂 . For Christmas my brother got me a bloggers journal to inspire me to write again. However, I don’t know where to start. I looked through my previous blogs for inspiration, to see if there was a theme or a common thread I could latch onto. There isn’t. Instead I found a random mix of stories and no method to the madness. Just me and my verbal diarrhoea in written form. A documentation of the unordered nonsense in my head. So in an attempt to create more order in my life and therefore my blogs, past Claire set 6 New Year’s Resolutions for future Claire to follow. As we are at 21st January it felt a good time to evaluate how they are going. Is it really New Year, New Me? As you will see some are further along than others. I wouldn’t want to achieve everything in the first month!
Resolution 1 – Write more
Today I got an email from WordPress to say I joined 5 years ago. Looking at my stats, (the number of blogs I have written, not my hip, thigh and waist measurements) I have blogged 3.6 times a year on average. The statistics don’t really reflect how much I bang on about writing. I have probably Tweeted, Instagrammed and Facebooked more about how I want to blog than actually blogged. Therefore I wanted to write this one down in an effort to follow through with it. The problem is, whilst I find writing quite therapeutic I also find it quite exposing. In all honesty, it makes me feel a little bit sick as I click the publish button. You have to be pretty open to the possibility that you are going to be judged when you write anything. Given that my blog is about my life or my thoughts, I am letting people judge my personality. What if people hate me? What if people think I am rubbish? What if people think I am weird? Don’t get me wrong I am weird. I am pretty judgemental, pretty outspoken, pretty sarcastic, and I can give it. I just can’t take it.
I used to write diary’s all the time when I was younger. A little pink diary with a key lock that you could unpick with a hair grip. It didn’t contain anything major, just the usual ‘Today I caught the bus to St Helens with £5 and bought some hair grips, a Woolworth’s pick ‘n’ mix a bottle of white musk, and a happy meal at McDonald’s and still had change for a Take That pencil’ before moving onto the typical pre-teen hormonal angst. ‘I fancy Peter at school but he fancies Lucy.’ It was so cringy I found them a few years ago and ripped them all up and threw them away.
In a few years time I might look back on these blogs and want to delete them from existence. However, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t write them in the first place. I mean as adults we’ve all deleted our Myspace accounts? Can you even remember who your top 8 friends were? I am pretty sure at least 2 of mine are now in Jail!
If you don’t take risks you don’t achieve anything. I need to stop thinking and start writing. So that’s what I am doing here, right now! Only 2.5 more blogs after this one to reach my average yearly target. 🙂
Resolution 2 – Do more exercise
This one was pretty easy for me. I go to the gym anyway. However, this year I have set myself the target of actually participating in classes rather than just turning up. Don’t get me wrong I don’t sit in the corner with a cake. I am also not one of those girls that straightens their hair and puts on make up before the gym. I don’t take selfies (mainly because I look like a cross between a smurf and Elmo) and I don’t leave my purse on machines so that men come running after me to give it me back. (I once watched a girl in a gym do that for 45 minutes. She didn’t even use a machine!!)What I mean is, I should try harder in class instead of going through the motions. 1 squat, 1 press up and 3 lunges in an hour isn’t going to cut it this year.
I know what I need to do to up my exercise quota. I follow a lot of fitness people on Instagram. I save their videos to do later. I have bought kettlebells and bands. I watch Obese a year to save my life. I buy endless supplies of gym kit. I post motivating messages on my friends posts encouraging them to keep going. Except I do all this whilst dipping a KitKat in Nutella, with my kettlebells acting as door stops. My gym kit obsession is akin to Kleptomania. I don’t steal it, but kleptomania is classified in psychiatry as an impulse control disorder and I can’t control myself in Sports Direct.
Despite my attempts to go to the gym, after 2 sets of antibiotics, I missed last week on account of spending most of it in bed. Further on 18th January I became the first person in the history of the world to cancel their gym membership. This was purely tactical as work gets busier I need to rethink where my gym is so I can go more often. Therefore whilst this isn’t really happening at the moment, it is in process!
Resolution 3 – Diet
For this I didn’t mean go on a diet. Although that should have been a requirement for 2018. This was more about varying what I eat. Currently my diet consists of tuna and cucumber sandwiches for lunch from Tesco and hot or cold fajitas. There is no in between. I am a very fussy eater. In China I lived off a diet of chips for 10 days. For me it is about texture. I can just about eat mince but I couldn’t eat a meatball. I can eat shredded duck but couldn’t eat a duck breast. I like tomato sauce but I don’t like tomatoes. I do not eat vegetables because I don’t like them. I like my food simple and I like what I like. I don’t cook, I burn. So, in honour of this resolution I attempted to push the boat out. 2 weeks ago I made a roast beef dinner for the first time ever and made my lunch for 3 days in a row. However last night I had fajita’s and finished them off for lunch today. As you can see, swings and roundbouts, but I am making postive changes.
I think this will be the biggest challenge of all the resolutions, yet will be the one that is most rewarding. For example, giving up tuna and cucumber sandwiches for lunch will also mean I will have to buy a pen and paper. Currently my car insurance quote is written on the back of a sandwich pack, so I will have to look at alternative methods for recording important information.
Fail to prepare, prepare to Fail will be my new mantra. I am so lazy when it comes to food. Sunday will be prep day so that I have no excuses in the week. However, it is a week before payday so there isn’t much money knocking about for supermarket shopping. Let’s be honest the only reason I am partaking in dry January is because I can’t afford the wine. I’ll pick this one up again next weekend.
Resolution 4 – Say no to things I don’t want to do
This is pretty simple. I spend my life doing things I don’t want to do. I feel obliged or coerced into doing things when I would actually rather do something else. So far I haven’t left the house since Wednesday so I am probably going to have to tweak this one.
Resolution 5 – Travel more in a non-work capacity
This one might prove more difficult. Given I have to travel once a month with work, travelling outside of that will need to be planned meticulously. That’s a job for February onwards.
Resolution 6 – Stop being so sweary
This one won’t give more order to my life, but it will make it seem like I have. I try not to swear but 5 minutes into work and I am using Fuck like a comma. Sometimes you can only express how you feel through swearing. However I’ve started to use the big hitters, the see you next Tuesday’s and that is NOT good. Last week we had a talk on mindfulness. A 30 minute intro on how to change the way you react to things. I am going to try to implement some of these teachings into my every day. I am not sure how it is going to work out. The test will be when I am in the midst of a passive aggressive conversation and I stop for 5 breathes half way through to regain my thoughts. How do you do that without looking like a complete weirdo? I will keep you posted.
So they were my 6 resolutions to provide more order to my life. If it was a school report it would probably read, Claire has great ideas but needs to learn to apply herself more. Her head is in the clouds and in order to succeed she must do better. What are your New Years’ Resolutions? Did you make any? Have you broken them already? Let me know.